When I reminisce about being a teen I remember living for each day, telling my friends all of my business and getting advice from them also...completely oblivious to the fact they weren't my predecessors but my peers. They had little or no more knowledge on any of the advisable situations or scenarios I was getting myself into, therefore leaving me either more confused or deeper in trouble than I was initially.
One thing I can say I've asked my mum a million times' Why didn’t you tell me that earlier' I think that young people need a lot of information of their parents/guardians experiences in life, for example past failures, relaionships, mishaps, regrets and most of all young people need lots of love and attention. There is a specific time in your adolescence where you don't know where to turn. “Will my parent/guardian be angry if I tell them this?” "Do they even understand the year 2009 and what pressure comes with it?' "Are they too wrapped up in their bills, own problems to notice what's going on with me?” “In fact what is going on with me?"
My opinion is that young people need a defined and strong relationship with an adult ideally a parent or guardian/parent figure. Even as an adult it's nice to have someone to talk to that will act as an advocate, just listening with no opinion until you've completely finished. This isn't saying that when young people are wrong the responsible adult should just dismiss it and say its ok however saying "you shouldn't have slept with that guy" is just a instruction and a judgment whereas "I care about you and you shouldn't have slept with that guy as you could get really hurt or get a bad reputatation. I really love you and want you to be loved and valued by someone too." "Do you understand love yet? Lets sit down and talk about some of the things I've been through that make me feel like this" or "You're so much better than that, have you ever considered if this man would marry you? You are so beautiful and deserve the best life possible” is edifying and displays love and an awareness of stigma and actually some knowledge of that type of scenario.
Now I remember how hard headed I was. I was far, far, far from the best teenager and I didn't listen and learnt the hard way most of the times. However I remember being told “don't do this” or “I hope you're not doing this” there was no explanation, no reasons what so ever and my emotions, body, mind were telling me I should. I wasn't mature enough to weigh up pro's and con's...lets face it at a young age you can often just goes with what will satisfy you for that instant without even thinking for a moment about consequences. Consequences what are they? Well just in case you didn't know...
Not concentrating in school, bunking off, being frustrated with family life and not being able to focus at school, expulsion, continual bad reports. Consequence-No qualifications, underachievement, lack of fulfillment become a NEET Not in Employment, Education, or Training (not everyone but the majority).
Sleeping around...consequences...teen pregnancy, STDs. Teenage pregnancy can work itself out although it is hard as I was a tenage mother and the child becomes a blessing although this is not something that I am promoting! The STDs can be treated, well most of them, not HIV, AIDS or Herpes but the REPUTATION is a terrible thing to spoil. However, the way you see yourself is more important and if you find yourself sleeping around, it's because you have a low self esteem, don't know your self -worth and are being used or maybe you're doing the using.
These are the things parent/guardians,older family members and friends should be speaking to their young people about. If not they look to magazines which the majority of glorify dressing scantily, half naked, exploring your sexuality, having multiple sex partners etc whereas if young people can value themselves and feel loved they don't have to look outside for recognition and comfort. As much as we all want to look nice, trainers, caps, a certain name jeans, jumper, dress or jacket doesn't make a person..that is all so pretentious, unrealistic and demoralising. There are so many actions that are carried out by young people every day in the UK to achieve the unobtainable goal of buying all designer clothes, drive fast cars compete with the footballers, musicians who are actually working to make their money and these actions so very often carry a prison sentence and a criminal record. What a terrible consequence!
I believe every young person can achieve amazing things in many different fields not only academically as this creates such a limitation on the youth who are not academic. They can achieve creatively, athletically, poetically and in so many more arenas. Whatever it is, every young person needs someone to believe in them and someone to believe in, in order to truly know they are worth more than society says they are, more than the music tells them they are and often times more than they think they are!
I totally agree with this and this are good words of wisdom for the youth of these times.
ReplyDeleteThe reality of things is that we need to be honest about life so that we can support the young people. Most of what i endured through my life would have been less overwhelming if i had parents that was open about there life. Having a single mum meant that not only did she have to place herself in motherhood, fatherhood and work hood consummed her time. We need more platforms like this to be real on to help us get out of disfunction and into function/order. thanks for this
ReplyDeleteI agree it is seriously true that we need the help of our parents. I wish my parents had been real with me and told me all the stories about the generations before me. I would have thought twice before being mischievous because the story would have popped up in my head and given me a chance to think about my actions ad the consequences. Also i feel as a young person we need more support from our communities to help us become better people in ourselves sometimes its hard dealing with emotions especially when there is no-one to explain how your feeling to.
ReplyDeleteIts great that these word of wisdom, can benefit the youths and the parents.As parents it can help us to remember that we were once children /teens. We should remember what we would of liked from our parents, and to apply it to our youths.The young people of today are exposed and are experiencing to alot.They need the support for their parents and the adults in their community.This will help the youths to reflect on their behavior, and think about the concequences of their actions. For some they can identify with it, and hopefully it can edify us all.I hope it help us to reflect, and make a difference for the young people we encounter in our lives. Keep up the good work!!.
ReplyDeleteWhat makes parent have a detachment from their responsibilies towards their children? Its a visious cycle that needs to end.
ReplyDeleteTo understanding young people today we must try to identifying the principles modern-day life are based on. I think the influence of the media on the younger generation is stronger than we give it credit for, the key to connecting with young people is by talking about past events in our lives in which they can relate to. Im not yet a father but I can see how parents can find it difficult to keep track of things happening in their childrens lives. I think having a friendship with your kids yet maintaining that parental respect is the ideal balance required.
ReplyDeleteThrough my line of work I am exposed to a vast amount of young people who have such polarised values and beliefs. Many of the young people that I have come across have such little confidence and self-worth, this often leads to the exhibition of inappropriate behaviour within themselves and towards others. So many young people fail to realise the power that their words carry. A twelve year old male saying to a female of the same age that he is going to 'rape' her because she is annoying him, and laughing about it...clear indication of a mis-guided child who has no idea about respect, and understanding the power of the words that leave his mouth. Parents have a major part to play with regard to how to 'educate' their children. In 2009 it is not easy to be a parent. The demands of work and trying to keep a roof over your head and food on the table places huge demands on the majority of people. Parents often parent their children according to how they were raised, this is not always the best way considering how much things have changed and the different pressures that face the youth of today. Now more than ever parents need to be open and honest with their children, be strong enough to listen to the things that they don't want to hear and which make them uncomfortable. To be able to spend quality time with their children and take more than an 'academic' interest in their child/children. Parents need to provide explanations with their decisions and be committed to balancing the negativity that their children are exposed to via TV, radio, their peers etc. I know many yooung people who would follow the advice of friends/what they see on TV than what their parents say - this is incredibly dangerous as they get a warped sense of what is right/wrong, acceptable/unacceptable with no consideration for the possible consquences their actions/decisions may bring further down the line. Every young person needs a forum to air their concerns, in reality this does not always come in the form of a parent. It is a good, positive move to have this blogspot where young people and adults alike can voice their issues/concerns, or just vent, as sometimes we all need to - but to also be able to receive honest views from people who genuinely care about the future generation.
ReplyDeleteI agree that parents should share their life experiences with their children. They are always saying dont do this and dont do that but never give a reason for it. Its as if they are perfect and have never done anything considered bad or wrong when in reality they have and you dont need to tell me for me to know that. on the other hand there are people doing things the right way. people that recognise that education and resepct for yourself are important, you jus need someone to recognise that your not off the rails and be proud of that.
ReplyDeleteWhat I must firstly say is that there are so many teenagers that I have come across who are so positive, motivated, driven and eager to make their mark on the world which is so inspiring to see.
ReplyDeleteWith regards to the youth whom some may describe as contrary to the above, I found that when discussing them with others, the words “bad, troublesome, angry, low achievers etc” so often seem to come up. From my experiences, I truly believe that parents hold the key. As parents, sometimes the stresses and struggles of life that we experience can have such a big effect on how we feel and in turn, how we deal with our partners and children. Sometimes parents do not have the resources to put the energy and time needed to promote a positive energy on their household and when the kids are not getting the love and attention they need , they may start misbehaving or turn to outside sources to seek the love, attention and closeness that they may be lacking within their own homes. Being a parent is one of the hardest roles one will ever experience and it is not until you become one that you can fully appreciate and/ or scrutinise how you yourself have been raised. I feel that it is up to the parents to evaluate themselves and if required, deal with the issues, nobody is perfect and we are always learning. I believe that once we can all start doing so and identifying the flaws, we can recognise what we must do in order to emit more of a positive energy onto our kids.
As I’m sure, all of us have experienced our parents shouting at us when we’ve done something wrong, (granted sometimes this is necessary), but I often remember it going in one ear and out the other...however, when my parents took the time to actually sit me down and really discuss my actions, reflecting on their own experiences, things really sunk in and made me actually think about what I’d done wrong and why. I totally agree that having a friendship with your kids yet maintaining that parental respect is the ideal balance required.
I realize that the above may not be realistic or applicable to some parents experiencing difficulties with their child but there are so many resources that can help. For example, I have a friend with a son, his father chooses not be part of his life which in turn has taken a negative effect on his behavior and attitude, his mother was aware of the issue and took the positive step of taking him to the 100 black men mentoring scheme which proved to be a great move. Youth mentors are vital to the society.
Some of the above may seem idealistic to some, but your upbringing has such a big influence on how you turn out as a person…
I totally agree with the points that have been made. From my own perspective I thought I knew everyting as a teen and no one could tell me anything, especially my parents!! Although my parents were there for me and my sister 100% and always guided us in the right direction, I always felt as though they didnt understand the things I was going through. They never really sat down and explained the reasons that they didnt want me to do certain things or behave a certain way. It's only now as an adult that I fully appreciate and understand where they were coming from. Raising my own children showed me how difficult parenting can be. For me finding a balance between being a parent to my children and also allowing them to know that they can talk to me and their dad about anything is key. We all know that kids/teens will never tell their parents everything, but as long as they know that your there to listen and will offer them love, support and respect whatever they talk to you about I believe thats the most important thing.
ReplyDeletejust heard on the news that two 10 year olds have been charged with raping an 8 year old in west london!? madness..
ReplyDeleteParents should definitley support teir children in every encounter they are faced with! I know from my past experiences when my parents were aware of certain situations i was faced with they said 'leave them, they will learn', if they was to approch us and explain the consequences and results of our actions if we were to proced with something, we would think twice about doing it, and also it makes you think - they do care! Im not going to complain about my parents using that quote because at the same time i did and have and am still learning life lessons and interpret that as a good thing, therefore i evolve into a higher being with a sense of reason and understanding of the world. I have definitely experienced parents being to caught up in their own problems, that they do not even think twice as to what we or i am up to, i think sometimes, you need to sit back and anatate the situation, what is important, what is a general worry in life that thinkig about it more will not resolve? THINK your child may be facing situations similar to you have themselves, so conversate with them, although we do not show it, it gives me definitely a sense or comfort and warmth to know that my parents are there for me, and not just letting us deal with what ever life throws at us, because ALL of us can say - we are not ready for everything we are faced with, and to have support from parents and friends is something worthy of calling them a Loved one!
ReplyDeleteAlso, i know from other peoples experiences that in teenage years there was a tendency to make out you knew everything, but thats only because you wanted to know everything thats going on around you. Limitations creates questions, questions create a continuous cycle of thought, that needs answers! Tell us parents, do not think just because were young, were not entitled to know, because we are becoming adults our selves and these answers set our morals and standards for our future!
ReplyDeleteAlso to people that feel that their parents could be more supportive... Strive to be the best you can, be ambitious, open minded and accepting, sometimes you may feel that you go back to your parent for approval?! But yes thats generaly what happens. Do not let pride get in the way, from my own experience it at times has been a negative personality trait. When ive needed the support and comforting from loved ones/parents, ive gone without which makes you feel lonely and solitary. Everybody needs love, its a fundamental that is needed to make us secure inately in the future!
More... i didnt want to go to my loved ones for support because I wanted to deal with it on my own, you think, 'It will make me a stronger person' 'It will teach me how to deal with these problems if they arise again'.It does! but lifes experiences can be harsh to the mental side of you as well as physical, and Love can heal it!
ReplyDeleteI feel ive missed certain oppoutunites due to getting to caught up in certain scenario's and trying to find a way out of situations, and not being able to deal with everything at once, i felt i couldnt go to my parents for help as they always preeched that i was getting older i shouldnt be asking them for help! I blamed my mishaps on them and found it hard to forget how i felt. Help isnt a bad thing and everyone needs it at times! Ive seen that i could of helped myself by not taking on too much at once at aiming to try and set my future up! And although at that time you feel what you are doing is for the best, you don't actually see what was best until the situation has passed!
Don't blame yourself or others for missed oppouunities or mishaps, everyone makes mistakes and are allowed to, as i found i was beating myself up about it and sometimes still do, but when i think clearly i realise, things happen for a reason and most of the time, for the best!
Sorry guys looking over what i have said, ive made a few minor spelling mistakes! I become to engrossed in what im writing about!
Kameron Birch - 18 years old, Style of Wryting Musical theatre company co-founder, Theatre enthusiast, Dancer!
ReplyDeleteI think parents dont take their children seriously.
ReplyDeleteWhen I'd run to my mum for help or advice (which was rare) she would give silly answers or brush it off as though i wasnt old enough for my problems to matter.
Or she would answer with a easy option like 'no dont do it' or 'dont be stupid you will get in trouble'
Not elaborating on why she did'nt want me to do it or why i would get in trouble, which made me then rebel and do the complete oposite of what she said.
This leads me to think, its not just about weather your parent is telling what you need to know at that age.
Its about HOW they tell you that is important.
Alot of parents find it hard to talk on a equal level to their children. Always feeling that they need to show authority, when they should be making them feel comfortable to talk to them not pushing them away.
Touria said...
ReplyDeleteI agree That a parent does play a very huge role in guiding there young ones because to a certain degree they dont know what they want and what they want might not always be best for them. So it is the duty of the parent to guide and probe there children in the right direction because (in most cases)they have the wider knowledge and have the experience to fall back on.....its important for the parent to keep an equal balance in there childrens lives in the sense that they cant shelter them from everything and they cant expose them to all sorts at a young age and communicate the messeage that half the things they want to do aint always what it is glammed up to be...like going behind there parents back and doing things you know they'd dissaprove of because everyone else is doing it
However i think the biggest thing that would benefit young people today would be to teach them the ethics of working hard for something....and giving them that sense of achievement...in this society we live in..with all the technology and everything at the drop of a hat it creates the attitude that not only do they want everything but they want it now!
Learning to work hard for something and then achieving results would definatly help young people to differenciate between the important and ponitless things in life....because a work ethic can carry you through so many different things in life at all ages..
Also..Youth need a fresh start....a fresh start from prejudice....fresh start from stereotypes...fresh start from labells...fresh start from all the things that create limits and boundries...if a young person is constantly percieved in a perticular way it will soon conform to it....and the only way this can be prevented is if it has a strong stable family unit at home where it can share thoughts and worries and feel confident...and constant reminder that if everyone else was jumping of mountins it does not mean they have to do it aswell...
Lara
ReplyDelete19 years old
Pursuing a music carer
passionate about the performance of Art
Touria Emanuel - 18 years old
ReplyDeleteCrminology,Youth justice
I totally agree with what Touria preeched, about doing something for your self. Thats one thing i have always relied on, is making something for my self, its exciting, self achieving and gives you a sense of pride!
ReplyDeleteLike i stated before about being ambitious, its always pulled me through and i am truely grateful for havin that in me.
The biggest sense of achievement can only come from yourself, and thats what fulfills your higest aspirations, and makes your feel self rightious, proud and complete!
Preech people i love it!
Young children and teenagers or young adults need a support network to offer them advice and support. Young people cannot be expected to know what to do in every situation, whereas older more experienced people are generally able to offer a source of advice based on previous experience to help make a better outcome for these young people. When they have the support of adults who truly care such as my parents and family around me everything seems a lot easier and I think that it is a lot easier to achieve.
ReplyDeleteJessica 18 years old
Early Childhood studies
yeah yeah its all true. people should have a better relationship with parents.
ReplyDeleteyoung people need support and confidence from their parents but as a young person every 1 needs guidance to achieve their dreams in life and just believe in them selves
ReplyDelete